Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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