Your mouth is God's brothel.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
