We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
