Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
