My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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