She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
