i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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