we have officially lost it.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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