i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
