Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Sext me about skeletons
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
