oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
