Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
