walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
