It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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