that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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