guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
