We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
