mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
