Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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