Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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