Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
