I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
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i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
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He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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