Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
