operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Randomize
