I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
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but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
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You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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