Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
