Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
she pinky promised me she was 18
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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