It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
