you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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