Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
