My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
