HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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