Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Sorry my hands just texted you
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
We are all done wearing pants today
You've changed since you got that strap on
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
