i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize