Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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