I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
