i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
