I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
