What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
