I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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