I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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