Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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