whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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