i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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