I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
