So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
