I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I wish you could order shots online.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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