Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
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Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
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You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.