Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'