roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.