All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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