i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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