He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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