Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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