4 words: hood of his car
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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