i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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