dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
