He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
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