my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
