Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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