The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
